I’ve come to realize that I’m a leaver. I will leave any situation that doesn’t suit me and/or my needs. I will leave any situation that doesn’t feel physically or psychologically safe, and I will leave any situation that doesn’t meet my standards and/or expectations.
Harsh? Maybe. I’m certain some people would view this as some sort of flaw or red flag, lol. But honestly, I don’t care. Why? Because my time, growth, habits, safety and wellbeing are of the utmost importance to me, babe. And I simply do not have much tolerance for compromise when it comes to those things.
Many people have found themselves stuck in undesirable situations, relations and connections because they chose to compromise, to settle, to lower their expectations for the sake of belonging.
How many people do you know in unhappy marriages, toxic environments, and/or unhealthy family dynamics?
I know several. Enough to assume that there are probably more people who are unhappy in their current situations than there are happy people.
While that’s simply my opinion, it seems more like a fact nowadays.
Now, I want you all to know that I’m more so speaking of those who are unwilling to leave their situation, not those who are unable.
My point is that there are way too many people out here who are unhappy because they chose to “stick it out” for the sake of belonging to or connecting with someone or something.
As I reflect on my 20s, I noticed that any time I found myself in an undesirable situation, it was because I chose to compromise, to settle, to lower my expectations for the sake of connection and belonging… even though I desired more. And the scary part is I was doing this without even realizing it! (yikes!)
I was conditioned to believe that I was “doing too much” and encouraged to do and accept less to fit familial and societal norms. To shrink myself and be like everyone else. But that wasn’t what I wanted. I didn’t want to be like everyone else and I most certainly didn’t want to shrink myself.
Starting at around age 23 I began to unlearn, deprogram and break away from said teachings, and by age 28 I realized that I have free will and it’s okay to want more, to aim higher, to do and expect more, and not settle for mediocrity.
Most importantly, I realized that it’s okay to leave. it’s okay to leave any person, place or thing if your needs aren’t being met.
And I have no shame in doing so because I am my number one priority. And you should be your number one priority as well. You’ll never have space to receive what you truly desire if you accept any and everything else around it.
Remember that.
As always—with love,
Antonia
*After Thoughts:
I wrote this piece with a memory in mind from a conversation with a past lover years ago. While I don’t recall the topic, I remember him unashamedly stating, “I’ll be the first to tell you, I am self-centered… I am”.
At the time, I responded with an “okay, cool” kind of vibe. Because ya know, no judgement. But looking back on that moment, I understand it much deeper now. It wasn’t just the statement, it was the unapologetic tone behind it. The holistic ownership and acceptance of himself. The lack of concern about what anyone else thinks.
Some may disagree with this mindset. But I’m not one of those people. You don’t have to go about self-prioritization in a rude or degrading manner towards others, but you can politely and respectfully decline what doesn’t align with what you have going on. Because if you don’t center yourself, if you don’t prioritize yourself, then who will? And even if someone else does prioritize you, will they do it to the degree that you’re able to? Are they willing to consistently do that?
Something to think about.
Romance & Reality 
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