years ago, i had a lover whom i considered having a child with. he’d established a stable career, lived in an area that i’d already heavily considered relocating to prior to us meeting, and he possessed certain qualities that I felt were imperative when raising a child. we grew apart and i spent the next few years developing further into womanhood.
looking back, i’m glad that i didn’t add on that responsibility at such an early age because i’ve discovered so much about myself since then. i’m not saying your life stops when you have a child, but it does interfere with the ways in which you experience personal growth because you are no longer the primary focus of your life.
and to be honest, at this current moment in time, i’m deeply committed to prioritizing myself right now. everything in my life is about myself and myself only. my home is quiet when i want it to be, and loud when i want it to be. i sleep in whenever i want for as long as i want.
when planning my meals, i only have to consider myself. i don’t have to worry about what my child does or doesn’t eat. when i organize my space, it stays that way until i rearrange it. when i want to do something, i get up and do it. i don’t have to consider whether it’s a kid-friendly setting, or go through the hassle of finding a babysitter. i just get up, get dressed, do my makeup and go!
my freedom and flexibility doesn’t depend on the availability of someone else. i don’t have to worry about daycare, getting anyone ready for school or home schooling. if i want to go out and party until 6am, i can do so without a care in the world. that’s not exactly my cup of tea, but still! lol. the point is that i can do whatever i want without having to consider the wellbeing of my child, which i know i would worry about all the time if i was a mom.
at this point in my life, i feel like i’m at a place where i’m prioritizing my freedom, comfort, health and overall wellbeing like never before. i recognize the fact that i do not have to rush to make such permanent decisions.
of course, choosing a child-free life comes with its own sacrifices and questions. i’m not pretending there’s a choice that gives you everything. i’d just prefer to make that choice carefully.
if i “run out of time”, then i run out of time. but i’d rather run out of time deciding than rushing into a decision that i haven’t thoroughly considered.
and plus… i’m not even married yet, babe!
If my words have lingered with you, or you feel compelled to leave a note—or a rose of appreciation—you may reach me here.
Thank you for reading, and for crossing into the world of Romance & Reality.
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