Romance & Reality

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as i approach 30 (4 more dqys), i think about my mother now more than ever. i have so many questions. questions that only she could answer.

one of the biggest questions is, did she feel like this at 30? alluring, zen-filled, wise, boundless, unstoppable? what were her biggest desires at this time? did she plan out the next decade of her life as i have? what were some of the silent battles that she never discussed with anyone? what was her take on love? relationships? men? friendships? was she afraid of 30 or did she embrace it? so many questions i have for her.

this is one of those moments when a girl needs her mom. to answer all the questions that may arise before taking a big step into a new stage in life.

unfortunately, both my mother and grandmother, passed away when i was two years old. my other grandmother knew what i was up against in life, so she taught me everything she could until she became ill when i was around ten years old. a life’s worth of skills compacted into one decade.

as one could imagine, life was tough for my dad and i without them. they were literally the core of our family. being an only-child with minimal matriarchal guidance was extremely challenging to navigate during childhood, adolescence and even now in young adulthood.

but overall, given the circumstances, i’d say i turned out exceptionally well. there were many paths that i could have chosen while navigating my journey of life. but instead, i chose to create my own way and build myself up into the woman i was destined to become.

i walk in every room with my head held high because i know exactly who i am, where i’ve been and where i’m going. and i take pride in that.

i take pride in the amount of success, knowledge, beauty and creativity that i possess. i take pride in knowing who and what i come from. i walk with the memories and stories of the Divine Matriarchs before me, and i take pride in that. i take pride in the fact that despite all the odds stacked against me, i still came out winning all the battles… and the wars.

so to me, 30 isn’t the end of my youth. it’s the beginning of a new era in my life. a new era of wisdom and Divinity, of power and matriarchy, of privilege and youth!

i believe age is a state of mind, so i’m not afraid of 30. i welcome it with open arms because i know that in the grand scheme of things, life has just begun.

and to that, i say… helloooo 30!!!

“I have never yearned to stay young, but rather to stay me. The me committed to embracing her uniqueness. The me who feels no shame in championing and cherishing herself. The me who accepts aging as a natural process, not a disease, and who says ‘Thank You, Thank You’ when I take care of myself.” — Eartha Mae Kitt