Romance & Reality

A late-night reflection on standards, patterns, and modern dating.

earlier today, a friend of mine asked me a question that i’ve been asked many times before—”why are you (still) single? i never know how to answer that question because the truth is… i don’t know.

just kidding. i do have somewhat of an idea. the truth is, i’m choosy. i don’t accept just any and every guy that comes my way and quite frankly, i’m not easily impressed. i have standards, morals and values. while material things satisfy the spoiled diva in me, i’m well aware that there’s more than one way to skin a cat.

there are traits in men that i like, and traits that i don’t care for too much. i don’t care for the loud, boisterous, egotistical type. you know, the one who over-promises and under-delivers. the loudest one in the room. the lying, manipulating, insecure type. y’all know the type of man i’m talking about, no need to beat a dead horse.

but i am drawn to the providers and protectors. you know, the manly men. the men who do what they say they’re going to do because they want to do it and don’t complain about it in the process. i’m drawn to the man who understands the language of romance and courtship. the man who enjoys taking care of a woman. one who’s patient, gentle, respectful and attentive, and allows me to shine as i am because he’s drawn to true authenticity. I pay little attention to the unestablished, because they often bring nothing but excuses and jealousy, which i have minimal patience for.

i could go on and on about this, but the truth is also… me. i’m (still) single because of me. i recognize patterns quicker than most, and i can tell the difference between true effort and a rehearsed playbook.

i’m currently drinking wine while typing this out, so if i’m not elaborating to your standards, just blame the Riesling babe, please.

anyway, because i recognize patterns and rehearsed moves so quickly, i know what to expect in the future and get bored easily. i already know the game and what comes next, and once i get bored, i lose interest and gradually preserve my energy until the connection fades.

don’t get me wrong, i won’t waste his time. if i feel the connection is unrepairable, i will suggest we end things where they are. but sometimes, it’s more complex than that. but y’all knew that already.

and you know what else? i’ve come to terms with the fact that i’m not everyone’s cup of tea… “because i’m champagneee darling”, lol.

i wrote a post last month about duality and how i can’t be placed inside of a single box. well, that applies to my dating life as well. i believe men develop their perception (box) of me based on the beginning stages and once they see anything different from the image they initially created in their minds, they have a hard time accepting deviations from said image. yes, i’m soft and calm and “a little princess”, or so i’ve been told… but at times, i’m also loud and excited, scared, clumsy, overstimulated and whatever else. not every moment is full of smiles, blushing and modest laughter. some moments will contain sadness, anxiety, fear and/or frustration.

honestly, oftentimes it appears as though i’m not perceived as a human being to men. it feels more like i’m viewed as a mystical creature of some sort. while i do believe that i am a Goddess, i am also a mortal being with true feelings, desires and imperfections. And once i feel i’m being viewed through a fantasy lens, i lose interest and detach.

i’m sure someone is reading this and trying to diagnose me or figure me out, but the contents of this post alone are not enough for one to accurately do so. i’m probably rambling at this point, but i wanted to take some time to dissect my thoughts around such a common question.

Now tell me, why are you still single? Or divorced? Or “figuring out your dating goals”? Or worse, unhappily taken?

Reflectively,

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